I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t free and if my bestie’s boyfriend hadn’t suggested I try it, I probably would not have been on PoF again. It’s one of the more popular free dating apps though and when it comes to online dating you definitely want to be on a popular app otherwise you’re stuck with a dating pool of about five guys, four of whom you’ve probably already dated. I gave it another shot and because I hadn’t used the site for several years, I was pleased to see the initial offering of eligible bachelors when I set-up my profile. That however, was short-lived and I discovered as time went by, that the eligible bachelors I was eager to get to know have transformed into catfishing freaks. Exhibit B: Stan*
Stan was the dude from PoF who I had exchanged messages with in early 2017. I politely ended our conversation at that time, but my mind would wander on to him from time to time as I wondered if I had let a good one go. I messaged him again prior to Christmas as I saw his profile and thought I would take a chance and explore what might have been. Friends, that decision was a poor one. After about a week or so of exchanging lovely messages, I noticed that Stan was a hard one to pin down. He would disappear in the middle of online conversations and wouldn’t reply for days at a time. He was reluctant to tell me details about himself such as what he did for a living or where he grew up and when I mentioned the idea of exchanging numbers and eventually meeting up, he completely ignored it. My decision to tolerate this behaviour for as long as I did was based solely on the fact that I felt bad about being the one who “ended things” previously, so I didn’t want to do that to him again. Until I ran out of patience, that is. About three weeks into our online dealings, Stan became rather flirtatious and our chats became slightly saucy albeit awkward as fuck since he seemed shy about it, yet was the one who initiated it each night. As a matter of fact, we wouldn’t discuss anything else, just some brief and mildly descriptive scenarios. Frankly, all it did for me was waste my time and bore me. I was usually watching episodes of Black-ish while I was chatting with him. After three straight nights of this – because I never heard from him otherwise – I decided it wasn’t worth my time and refrained from going onto the app for a couple of days. But that didn’t stop Stan from messaging me each night asking if I was “around”. I didn’t want to actually go MIA or ghost him because I don’t want or need any bad dating karma. But I also didn’t want to deal with him just yet, so I checked in a couple times, usually when I knew he wouldn’t be online, and sent him a quick message. Last night he messaged me and I decided to deal with Stan once and for all. My plan was simple. I would go online, chat with him for a bit and see if he followed my lead into a normal conversation and out of the gutter. We were less than five minutes into chatting when he entered into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle territory. Exasperated, I tried to change the topic from the suggestion of a massage to a discussion on how I don’t utilize my health benefits enough. He didn’t take the bait. Not only that, but he actually called me out on sounding “very formal”. Formal? Are you fucking kidding me?! I was trying to have a normal adult conversation and he was…I don’t know what the hell he was doing. Reading his messages was like reading erotica written by Judy Blume. I wasn’t having it and I immediately started preparing him for a custom we-aren’t-simpatico-but-I-wish-you-well message. I started off by bringing up the fact that we had been exchanging messages for about a month, which is absolutely absurd now that I think about it. But I didn’t say that to him. I didn’t even get the chance because he immediately replied and said it was “too bad” I was being so formal and suggested we chat another time and after I sent the message about it being a month since we started chatting, he said, “Hmm. I see. Anyways, night!” Now like I said, I didn’t want to ghost this guy for the sake of my own karma; however, since he demonstrated a lack of maturity and no manners, I interpreted that as his disregard for his own karma and I decided that this mothafucker is getting Caspered!
I suppose you can chop this experience up to any number of clichés: a lesson learned, leave well enough alone, everything happens for a reason and always trust your instincts. I don’t regret any of it because I learned never to dismiss people right away. I mean, if I had only chatted with him a little longer last year, I probably would have discovered the real him at that point and wouldn’t have been curious and second-guessing my initial decision. Then again, the guy I spoke to last year could have been a completely different guy. Which brings me back to Tom*.
Remember Tom? He was the fuckboy I chatted with previously who also only wanted to talk about sex, but in more of a R-rated way than Stan. As you recall I didn’t sugar coat a damn thing and told him exactly how I felt. Well, he recently re-emerged in a most unexpected way. It was last weekend and I was just getting home when another dear BF of mine texted me a picture of a guy. I had met my friend for brunch the weekend before and told him all about Tom or “dbag” as he dubbed him and even showed him a picture of Tom. Imagine my surprise a week later when my friend sent me a picture of Tom and asked me if that was in fact dbag. It was. I immediately asked him where he got the photo and that’s when he told me he had just chatted with Tom on a dating app. A gay dating app. As my friend deduced, Tom was either bisexual or using stolen pics. Either way, neither one of us had time, energy or enough dead brain cells to humour that catfishing fool so he threw that fucktard back into the sea as well.
I have now hidden my PoF profile and I would delete it, but I feel like doing so would be giving up completely and I haven’t been knocked down that hard yet. Although I’m even more frustrated mentally, emotionally and sexually (I’m only human, people) the bar is still stocked so the search continues. Drink in one hand, smartphone in the other I will continue my journey to find my one because I refuse accept the idea that I’m meant to be alone the rest of my life. I’m too fabulous for that. Yeah, you’re damn right that’s me!
*Name has been changed
That's Me 