It’s been a long, long while. Where do I begin? My ulcerative colitis is in remission (holla!) thanks to medication. I’ve started working in a new office and I’ve given up on dating.
Well, for now. Online dating was just not working out for me. The guys who messaged me were mainly looking for casual sex (that’s not me) or were older men looking for a “companion”. Don’t get me wrong, I think some older men can be attractive. But unless you’re older in a cool, Keanu Reeves or Idris Elba type of way, it’s not happening.
I am still open to meeting someone and dating, but I’m not chasing it. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen. I do still login to my online dating profile from time to time when I’m bored, but I never expect to find anyone decent. I mainly just check it out for kicks.
I’ve also been adjusting to my “new normal”. Yeah, that’s a thing. The first time I heard it was after my diagnosis. I signed up for an ulcerative colitis peer support program that allowed me to communicate one-on-one with someone who has been living with the disease for many years. I was speaking with her about how frustrated I was because all I wanted to do was get back to the way things were before my diagnosis and feel like my old self again. She told me that I won’t ever be the old me again and when I accept that, my new normal will become easier to live with. She was right. Once I accepted that my new normal included daily medication, one more doctor’s appointment each year and the fear of regular colonoscopies, I was able to relax into the new me. Well, for the most part. The new me is still carrying some baggage from the old me and since I’m not dating right now, I decided this would be a great time for a little self-improvement.
I think part of my disappointing dating history has to do with the fact that I’m very self-conscious and not completely comfortable in my own skin. So I’ve been working on ways I can improve and live my best life. I’ve been exploring more writing projects at work to see if I can obtain the type of job I really want. I’ve also been trying to lose weight to be healthier and feel better about myself.
Although I spent most of last year juggling meds and trying to find one to kick me into remission, I also spent most of last year eating everything in sight. Between my prednisone induced eating binges in 2018, my post-prednisone, crazy cortisol cravings in 2019 and my general I’m-still-single/bored/lonely/depressed/happy/let’s-celebrate-flag-day/emotional eating binges, I gained a lot of weight. I didn’t realize how much weight I gained until I saw a picture of myself from this past Christmas. I looked like Shrek’s wife, Fiona. That’s when I decided to do something about my weight and my health in general. So I joined Noom. I saw a few commercials about the online weight loss program and I decided to try it out. It’s been 11 weeks since I’ve joined and I’ve lost nine pounds. But it hasn’t been easy and it still isn’t easy.
In those 11 weeks, my weight has gone down, then up, plateaued, then gone way down and then back up again. Apparently, this is normal and it’s what real weight loss actually looks like. But damn. It’s hard to stay positive and even sane when you’re working hard and losing weight and then you slip and it feels like you took several steps backwards. But I’ve also been learning more about myself and what causes me to be an emotional eater and more importantly, how to stop being an emotional eater.
Part of the program is also about developing new habits and they recently started talking about my “new normal” as well. Only they are referring to the new lifestyle I’m creating with my healthy eating and exercise habits. So I guess it’s my new, new normal. Yeah…I’d drink, but I can’t mix alcohol with my medication. Also, alcohol has plenty of calories.
So that’s what’s been happening with me. Basically, my new normal is working on myself and making better choices so that I can be a better me. Holla!