Last night I was sitting in my living room watching something on Prime and I heard something happening in the hallway of my building. Normally, my floor is pretty quiet. But for some reason there was a lot of activity last night. As I muted the TV, this is what I heard: A child coughing, a man talking, something with wheels like a trolley, another man talking, beeping like a walkie talkie and footsteps.
Now, this is what my paranoid ass thought I heard: A child coughing because he is infected, a man walking in the hall with a walkie talkie, possible the security guard and another man, possibly an EMT, rolling a gurney and taking someone away. Yes, in the light of day, I realize how I really stretched that. But at the time, this is where my mind went. It also didn’t help when I went to bed and the woman who lives above me starting shouting and stomping like she was running from a ghost. In case you’re wondering, I didn’t watch anything spooky yesterday. I feel like I’m days from becoming Jeff from Rear Window.
My anxiety and paranoia are at an all time high right now. The questions running through my mind are endless. What if it takes several months for this pandemic to start to decline? What if people really start to panic and do crazy things? What if I step out into the hallway just as someone sneezes? How am I going to keep my sanity for another week or even longer? Then there are the thoughts that run through my mind when I think about going outside for groceries or just a walk. You’d think there was a zombie apocalypse the way I’m acting. I don’t want to have these thoughts or feel this way, but I can’t help it and I hate it.
I need to calm down. I’ve been trying to distract myself with various activities. Messaging and calling family and friends, listening to music, colouring, watching TV and blogging. I have found that writing it out is actually cathartic. So thank you for enduring my ramblings.
But then I think, I’m home with plenty of things to entertain me and it’s really not a bad deal. To be honest, if there wasn’t a pandemic, this would be amazing! This calms me down a bit. Then I hear activity out in the hallway and I get paranoid again. As I read this, I realize how ridiculous it sounds. I haven’t had so many anxious thoughts since my prednisone experience of 2018. That ended because I weaned off of the drug. I wish I had diazepam.
At the end of the day, I have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. The Spanish Flu, Avian Flu, SARS…they all ended eventually. Yeah, I’m choosing not to get into the details. You guys know what I mean. The point is we’ll get through this too and deep down I do know that.
But let’s share some experiences and connect. How are you guys feeling and what have you been doing to pass the time and stay mellow during self isolation? What are you watching, reading, listening to? Leave a comment and let me know.
In the meantime, let’s keep calm and stay safe. ♥